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fifty years have ridden off into the sunset
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I'm sorry but I'm just thinking of
the right words to say
I know they don't sound the way
I planned them to be
But if you wait around a while
I'll make you fall for me
I promise, I promise you I will
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| ESE 305? |
| 11:03 AM, Tuesday, September 30, 2003 |
I'm a little bit worried. I took 40 minutes to finish what I thought was a very simple four-question test. When I left, almost nobody else was finished with question 3.
-David
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So yesterday was well-spent. After I got home, went out with a group of people and watched Daddy Day Care, which was rather more interesting than I'd originally thought it would be. After I got home from THAT, watched The Mothman Prophecies with roomie and his girlfriend.
Today, services, IHOP, new people at church, study, spent some time over at Diane's fixing her computer and hooking her up with AIM, and then just a chill session with a guitar, music, and no textbook for my ESE305 class, which I really need to talk to my prof about.
One year ago today, I met the beautiful girl whom some of you know as Starry.
All in all, life is good.
-David
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He picked her up some flowers on a Sunday afternoon
They sat out on the porch swing underneath the crescent moon
A lifetime seemed to pass, staring at the skies
And on the swing he gave her the ring; there were tears in her eyes
He said, "I pray I'm not alone in my dreams about forever
That you and I could become one and always be together
We'd grow old and wise through all the days for worse or for better
And I'll be true beside of you even now more than ever"
And my time flies but we'll fly farther
Into the night where the eyes of loneliness can never bother
All our dreams of together, uneclipsed by never-never
My time flies, it's in your eyes, but we'll fly farther
Fifty years have ridden off into the sunset
And the tears that we have cried have overflown
And here we are, counting scars, wounds of life's unending upset
You're with me, and I'm with you, and I will never forget
And my time flies but we'll fly farther
Into the night where the eyes of loneliness can never bother
All our dreams of together, uneclipsed by never-never
My time flies, it's in your eyes, but we'll fly farther
He picked her up some flowers on a Sunday afternoon
He rode the Greyhound bus past the house they used to swoon
He knelt beside the grave, hung his head; a teardrop fell
And on the stone, an epitaph showed the words he knew so well
My time flies but we'll fly farther
Into the night where the eyes of loneliness can never bother
All our dreams of together, uneclipsed by never-never
My time flies, it's in your eyes, but we'll fly farther
-David
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| Bored |
| 11:26 PM, Wednesday, September 24, 2003 |
I really have nothing to write here. I mean, I theoretically could write what I've been doing, but why bother? Suffice it to say that I've been learning things about myself, some good, some bad, and I really wish I could stop with the bad. It's depressing. It's all stuff I need to change, to work on, to fix ... and as always, it's not going to be easy.
-David
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Creation all walked to the splendor of life
Jehovah made man, then he gave him a wife
Together they walked in the cool of the day
Giving praise to the glory of God
As they savored each moment you'd hear the two say
Your brilliance is awesome, it scatters the night
Your radiance can pierce through the brightest of lights
It fills us with joy just to gaze on your face
Watching each wondrous move that you make
As your presence reveals a magnificent grace
Glory of God, glory of God
Glory of God, hallelujah
Let us once again see the glory of God
Glory of God, hallelujah
When holy communion was shattered by sin
And paradise suddenly came to an end
The man and the woman fell down as they prayed
Giving praise to the glory of God
As the angels looked down they could hear the two say
Your brilliance is awesome, it scatters the night
Your radiance can pierce through the brightest of lights
We'll never forget when we gazed on your face
Watching each wondrous move that you make
How your presence revealed a magnificent grace
Glory of God, glory of God
Glory of God, hallelujah
Let us once again see the glory of God
Glory of God, hallelujah
A man they called Jesus knelt down as he prayed
Knowing that soon a great price must be paid
To tear down the curtain constructed by sin
That had hidden the glory of God
So the man and the woman could see Him again
The men who were with him were caught by surprise
His clothes turned so radiant they covered their eyes
His face filled with brilliance that scattered the night
For the glory of God had come down
To the man and the woman who longed for his light
Glory of God, glory of God
Glory of God, hallelujah
Let us once again see the glory of God
Glory of God, hallelujah
-David
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Me: "Hey, I notice my address book seems to have had a new entry ..."
Rachel: "You just noticed that? I put that in when I was playing with your phone in the car [Sunday]."
Me: "Well, I don't usually scroll down that far. I mean, I never really get past G or H."
Heh, um, oops?
-David
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I think that days like these reaffirm my faith in the basic tenets of Christianity. Which I probably needed more than I'd really like to admit, so ... well, anyway. It started off with the basic Sunday stuff -- Pedro was preaching today. I have to say that his academic style is really more suited to my tastes, which isn't to say he doesn't get into it, but he's very ... well, I dunno. Those of you who've heard him can weigh in on this. Or not.
Anyway, the sermon was on recognizing the body of Christ in whatever we do. Important, but unsettling. I guess those are the good lessons, hmm? After services, one of the people being studied with was baptized over at Van and Cindy's, then BJ, Keysha, and I passed a few hours with Heather, Rachel, and Steve just sort of spending time together. Left about 7:30 and headed back to SBU, where I grabbed some snacks and headed over to the sports complex to spend some QT with Bryan while he worked. Passed three hours talking about important and non-important stuff, and just provided a great follow-up to ... well, to life really. Closed down the place and headed back to the room, where I spent a couple hours with Mark, Matt, and Marcus, plus some other guy, then headed next door for a couple of games of NBA Live 2003.
All in all, a very, very good day. Even if I did lose my micron pen.
-David
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| Hmm |
| 1:43 AM, Saturday, September 13, 2003 |
I could write what I did today, but that's boring and irrelevant to you.
I could write that I had another epiphany, but that'd be a lie.
I could write that I'm bored, but I'm not.
I could write that I need a shotgun, but I don't.
I just am.
-David
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| New Music |
| 6:25 PM, Wednesday, September 10, 2003 |
Hee.
I just acquired live versions of two Jars songs off the soundboard: "Like a Child" and -- everyone breathe now -- "Show You Love".
I'm so looking forward to this new album.
-David
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Well, I managed to scrape myself off the floor in time to go to POL 102 today. It was actually interesting -- only good prof I have, to be honest, and he's as heretical as I am. This should be fun. ESE 305 was as bad as last time -- Chinese professor, impossible to understand, and horrible at teaching. Mike, Adam, and I left halfway through ESE 218 because we'd learned all the material already, then didn't go to AMS 210 for the same reason. Instead, went and had food at a Mexican joint off-campus (quite good, by the way -- far better than the junk on campus) and then chilled for a while. Went back and torched through most of the Night Elf campaign. Am now examining the costing system of Frozen Throne and liking it.
-David
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I just spent $314.60 on three books. And I still have one more to buy that hasn't come in yet, which will bring the total to more than $425.
My wallet feels lighter already.
-David
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This is the essence of an AIM conversation between me and Emma. I hate conversations on blogs, however, so I'm posting it like this.
So the sermon today was on sexual immorality. The preacher was making all these comments about how humans are too weak to withstand any sexual temptation whatsoever. And the only way to do it is by following the Bible which says "Flee from sexual immorality" (1 Cor 6:18). So any situation where a male and female are alone is bad, because you're going to give in, and I was so ready to stand up and scream "What are you talking about?!" This is just so wrong ... I've spent more time alone with various females than i care to think about, and this is complete ... you know.
Then there was this whole five-minute session about the blindness of Christianity. Which isn't what HE called it, naturally; it's what I call it. The blindness of Christianity being, of course, the idea that anything non-Christian cannot be good. Because, hey, they're all evil sinners. And they have nothing to teach us. Horrible, evil people. Losers, every single one of them.
And then there was this line about myths: Myths don't apply to our lives, but the Bible does. That's why the Bible isn't a myth. I wanted to throw a dictionary at him. A myth is meant to apply to life! That's why they're written in the first place!!!
I'm not sure I can do this whole dogma thing. I keep coming up with all these sarcastic remarks. And I have far too many questions for my own "good" in this church. *sigh* I hate this. There are good people in that church. Smart people. And they won't ask any questions that might bring any attention to the fact that there are philosophies and questions about the Bible! I like the basis on which the church is formed. I just don't think it's being executed entirely properly. One of my friends put it best: "Humans jack things up. We touch it, it breaks."
So much for Acts 17:11.
If we're afraid to question our faith, we don't have faith to begin with. I had someone tell me, "If evolution is the reason someone loses faith in God, they had no faith to begin with." And he's an atheist.
I hate this feeling, though. That I can't stay, can't go ... I'm trapped between conscience and more conscience, wondering where God is in the midst of it, and wanting to know why people are satisfied with what they have when it sucks! I dunno. Sometimes I get the urge to just leave. It's scary, really.
It seems so pointless to spend time pointing fingers at other Christians. But evangelistic Christianity means you have to point fingers. And denominationalism means that you're going to point fingers at every little difference. What's worse is it's based in self-righteousness. One tiny problem: we aint righteous. We're not even decent, most of us, which is why we turn to God to save our sorry souls. We need Him, and the fact that we admit that does not make us qualified to sit in judgment. The worst part is when we absolutely believe in our judments and expect God to behave as we expect Him to. If we could understand the mind of God, we'd be God instead of Him.
But, oh wait, that's heretical thinking. No decent Christian would think that.
"You know you've made God in your own image when He hates all the same people you do."
--Anonymous
This part, unfortunately, doesn't work in anything BUT conversation format.
Emma: Do they say you can't listen to any music that isn't Christian?
Kaelis: No. They do, however, claim that any TRUE disciple will, by his own choice.
Emma: Aha. Well, my church takes it a step further and says we CAN'T.
Kaelis: *sigh* The only reason they don't? They can't find any Scripture that says not to, so they call it "a Romans 14 thing." They have a NAME for stuff they can't find Scripture condemning. Well, maybe it's my name, but the point stands. It's a way of guilting you into doing what they want you to do.
Emma: They're good at the guilt thing, aren't they?
Kaelis: Yes.
Emma: Besides, I figure I'm going to Hell for watching movies, so...
Kaelis: Sounds good. We'll do lunch.
Emma: *drops her head into her hands* It's such a mess, this thing.
Emma: Okay. Fried. Everything will be fried.
So, this is what's going through my head. I'm just so tired of the blinders people wear. I know others are, as well. Jeppie, for one. I just wish I could look at someone and know that they feel the same way. It would save me from having to talk carefully to people at church in case they toe the party line.
-David
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| Sigh |
| 12:43 PM, Sunday, September 07, 2003 |
So my roomie's girlfriend was over the past couple days, and just this look she threw him ... it was just this look of complete love and adoration.
-David
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So today was well-spent, sort of. I got up at 1:30 after a couple games of WC3 with Mike and Adam that kept me up until 2:30 and an inability to get a decent night of sleep, plus a call at 8:40 in the morning. Ugh. Anyway. Got lunch with Ravi (heretofore to be called Taj after the brilliant Indian dude in Van Wilder), Mark, and his girlfriend Nicole. Then went back and chilled for a while, jammed on the guitars some, and went out and played some basketball. Been too long since I did that, though, I hit one shot out of like five. Horrible.
Went back to the room and chilled for a while, then got some food from the deli and have been generally sitting around since. Good day, all in all.
-David
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Ooh.
Well, I was dropped from AMS 361 for reasons as yet unknown, although it appears the class is full.
However, Mike and Adam are in ESE 271 and ESE 218 with me, and I think in 305 as well. So I was talking with them over lunch and apparently they had the same problem so are taking AMS 210 instead -- next semester's math course. So anyway, I signed up for it: Linear Algebra. Insanely easy course, apparently. Sure looks like it, because it's about linear equations, vectors, and matrices. Yawn. I need that A though.
218 was ... bad. Some girl walks in fifteen minutes late, looks over my shoulder at my syllabus, then takes it and sits down, completely oblivious to the fact that she's just divested someone of the course outline and ignorant of the odd looks I threw at her for the next five minutes. Then for the rest of class she just sits there like a moron. No notes. Nothing. Just this blank stare. I mean, I can't blame her for the no-notes thing; the prof was going over NUMBERING SYSTEMS. Binary. Decimal. Octal. Hex. Which we've all learned SIX TIMES before. In BOTH prerequisite courses for this class. This is why we have prereqs, no? But anyway ...
I went to AMS 210 to see what it was all about. I shouldn't have. All he did was talk about vectors. All class. Which we've all had before. Many times. Ironically, he was talking about rendering 3-dimensional objects in 2-dimensional space, and how you can render 4-dimensional objects in 3-dimensional space. Me, I can't understand why you can't just use a progression of graphs, since the fourth dimension is time, but anyway, the class was living proof of his statement, since he was so boring that we as 3-dimensional humans rendered time: 20 minutes passed between the time there was half an hour to go and the time there was 25 minutes to go.
Oh, and Mike and Adam both play WC3. This should be a fun semester. Too bad they're not on campus though ...
-David
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Well, being back is proving interesting. My roommate is pretty cool thus far, which is nice. And he plays the guitar, so we're being horrible at it together. ;-) Likes DMB which is cool, nice to have tolerable music across the room as well. Last night was spent alternately on the guitars, talking, throwing darts at a dartboard, and generally lazing around.
Then after class today I went out with BJ and got some food, and driving back there was an accident on Nicholls Road right outside SBU. Cars were lined up trying to get out the entrance, so BJ being nobody but himself rolls down his window and starts yelling "Accident! Accident!" at the drivers on the other side of the road. As we're driving past, everyone starts turning around. I was laughing too hard to speak. You would have been, too.
Side note: I'm not sure if I should feel like I've gotten away with something when I leave the room for an hour and a half without setting an away message, then come back and nobody's IMed me. Maybe I should just feel unloved.
-David
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